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13 Goofs-One of Those Days

I’ve been sick for four days now. You know, sore throat, headache, sneezing, coughing… yeah. I stayed home from church and knitting on Sunday, stayed home from work on Monday, went in on Tuesday and gave up by noon, got up this morning and said: uh-uh.  I tried to go back to bed, but I can’t breathe thru my nose.I have an entire colony of used kleenex that didn’t quite make it into the waste basket next to my bed. All that is bad, right? But it gets worse. Much worse.

Around 11:00 I decided I needed to go to the store. I needed Nyquil, I needed more kleenex.  I needed juice and soup and raspberry sherbet. The store is just a mile. I made a list and when I got to the store I couldn’t find it in my purse. Dangit! Goof #1. Well, I didn’t need that much. I didn’t need a list. I had done my shopping and was back in the car when I realized that I had forgotten the Nyquil. Goof #2. Back in I went and bought Nyquil.

Got home and tried to open the grapefruit juice so I could have a glass of deliciously cool juice on my raw throat. No go. I was feeling so weak that I couldn’t open it. Finally, after great effort, I got it open. Oh, it said to shake well. I put the cap back on and shook well. Goof #3. Since the cap apparently wasn’t fastened tightly, grapefruit juice went everywhere. I wiped it up and drank a glass. Then I decided I better have a slug of Nyquil too. Naturally, that cap wouldn’t come off either.  I got a steak knife out of the drawer to cut the childproof seal off and had to ask myself a minute later what was wrong with a butter knife? Goof #4. I might have avoided skewering myself with a butter knife.

Okay, Nyquil drunk (bad faces made by me and all three of the cats, who were suddenly not so interested in sharing every blessed thing that mommy ate or drank) and finger bandaged, I decided I should take a hot steamy bath to try to open my nasal passages. I turned the light on in the bathroom and no light appeared. Ridiculous. All four of the bulbs burnt out at one time? Not likely. I flipped the switch on and off a few more times with no change. Okay, I checked the breakers and flipped them back and forth a few more times. Goof #5. I thereby killed all the clocks and eletronic devices into flashing 12:00. I reset the alarm clock in the bedroom and left the rest. The bathroom lights still didn’t work.  Okay, either there was a problem with the wiring or they were all burnt out. I didn’t have the exact bulbs needed, so I made do. I replaced two of the fancy bulbs with plain 40 watt bulbs. Still no light. I flipped the breakers back and forth again. Goof #6. Went to re-set the alarm clock. Decided to unscrew the rest of the fancy bulbs. Goof #7. Fancy bulb slipped from my fingers and crashed into a million shards all over the bathroom. The last thing I had was energy to clean up the bathroom. I thought about just laying down. But I didn’t want to wake up, stagger to the bathroom and skewer my feet on glass. (neatly avoiding Goof #8) I cleaned up by the light of a camping lantern. On the way out of the bthroom I flipped the light switch without really thinking about it. Light flooded the bathroom from the 2 forty watt bulbs. I hacked, swore, coughed and swore some more.

Ah, bath time. Except the tub was kind of grimy. I decided to clean it. Goof #9.  That’s when I realized that the drain was clogged. Wheezing, I got out the draino and poured some down the drain. I have asthma which is instantly made 10 times worse by inhaling such fumes. I needed to blow my nose. that’s when I noticed Goof # 10. I had bought the flimsiest excuse for kleenex you can imagine. I didn’t even blow very hard, and all I had in my splattered hand with torn shreds of kleenex.

My Cold/flu/Whatever The Heck This Is has decided that I have had enough. I didn’t need a bath. I needed sleep, and the Nyquil looks like it might deliver. Wanna to know what Goofs #11-13 are? Me neither. I’m going to bed now, to struggle with my breathing and coughing, and pray to God that #11-13 never materialize.

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